First reactions to IST

Sorry for the long absence, I’ve had a lot to do. And yet, nothing to do at the same time. But that’s a discussion for a bit later. To make a short wrap up of the last month and a half, I finished school (a week early), bummed around for two weeks, then went to Iringa for a training. Now, today, I just finished an 8 hour trip involving 3 coasters (a vehicle that is about halfway between the size of a small bus and a 15 passenger van) and lots of naps and I’m sitting in my house with 6 kittens squealing from the other room. So, much is new.

I’ve found Peace Corps to be an amazingly varied experience. With the right people in the right room saying the right things, changing the world is easy. But when it comes to traveling alone squished 5-to-a-row on 4 seat rows for 8 hours, that SUV and sub sandwich sounds awfully nice. It was surprising how much seeing my fellow group mates impacted me but once I realized that, it was not surprising how much it I didn’t enjoy seeing them go. Yes, I have an awesome region with awesome volunteers I can see frequently, but if some is good, more is better, right? I feel motivated to travel, which is a nice thing seeing as before I left I found myself in a contented indifference to much else in Tanzania beyond my immediate surroundings.
I hate big posts because I never know what to say and what to let go. I think I’m going to try to work through my thoughts on the training sessions in individual posts here so I can kind of use this as an opportunity to organize my thoughts. So, look forward to such scintillating topics as corporal punishment, HIV and AIDS, gardening, and more! :P

Anyway, my musings for today mostly have to do with my motivation, which is somewhat linked to what I said before I left. I’m feeling motivated to study Swahili again! I expected that because despite my lethargic tendencies I am aware of how little I know. Now we just have to make it happen. I also am looking forward to starting a secondary project. I haven’t matched my thoughts up with my school’s desires but we shall see what happens. I’m thinking permagardening would be a good project given our space issues on campus. But I also can see the need for an improved library. We shall see what all is involved but I just really want to identify a project that everyone is excited about so it keeps going after I’m gone. I want to have a sit down with my headmaster so when that happens I’ll update you on the future.

Outside of sessions talking about a wide range of things, I had a fantastic time with the people. I reconnected with the guy I shadowed during training and met several new people. Each night was usually an opportunity to chat with nearly everyone and fill in the last three months. I found that my connections and opinions of many people had changed. Maybe not dramatically, but I feel like I can relate to everyone more now, for obvious reasons, and that in turn made me understand many more of their……unique tendencies. But, it was awesome to have one of those situations where you realize, the people here are exactly who you need right now. They’re the right balance of activities you always enjoy no matter how horrible you are (basketball) and getting you to enjoy something you never enjoy because they’re just the right group to make it work (dancing). I recognize that it’s hard to stay in touch with everyone you’d like to but I think it’s important to do it with those who you can. I’ve been incredibly lucky to have devoted friends over the years, and where I’ve failed, often they have succeeded. I’m still nursing a pen pal relationship from age 7/8 and a few days together so somewhere something is going right.

So, with that I’ll end on a positive note. I’m so tired, but I’m finishing the day with motivation to continue. Continue work, continue relationships, and continue this lifestyle (although returning to the squatter after 2 weeks with a lovely western toilet may be the most difficult of all).

Thoughts on passion

It seems to me that life can be described in many ways, but one way that has been highlighted recently is categorizing life into two forms, those with and without passion. It takes a special kind of person to leave the comforts of home and do work with foreign people in a foreign land. Now, before it starts sounding too much like I’m patting myself on the back let me say that I’m not sure I’m the best kind of person for this kind of work, I may not even be a good kind. I could see, within 24 hours, the passion that my group of volunteers had for the task they were committing themselves to. It may not have been as evident for each character in the story of Peace Corps Tanzania Education class 2009, but there was a genuine willingness to do meaningful work. The problem is simple; passion fades. If excitement were constant, it wouldn’t be important. So the question is what goes beyond passion, beyond excitement. Passion is an intensely powerful force. It makes the irrational rational, the general unique, and the stupid quite reasonable. It can be found for ultimately anything, a sport, a work of art, a career, a god, and hopefully for each of us, a person. It can also be incredibly unhealthy, as passion for a multitude of things destroys multitudes of lives every day. However, what I have been struggling with as of late is an unfulfilled passion for passion. It is incredibly easy to do something when your entire body delights in its required action. However, the self-control required to push yourself through those times when you feel passion-less is a challenge I have yet to master. Compounding this problem is successful procrastination. Nothing reinforces laziness as effectively as successfully avoiding work without consequence. So, back to PC TZ ED 09. It’s easy to be excited and passionate on the bus ride to the airport before leaving, but day 179 in country is a better measure for the passions of your group. Are the motivations still the passion for the world? Or now perhaps your passion is for a job that pays you a living wage, even if it is in a third world country. Do two people with those very different fuels for their fires have any difference in the outcome? If both motivations are equally as strong, passion, in theory, will produce the same product. Ignoring the capitalist argument about the second person needing to be rewarded with more money for more work, it would seem that those benefiting from each volunteer get the same thing out of the deal. So then, does it matter why we’re here, assuming, of course, that each gives their best effort? Does it matter what passion is driving our work, as long as we’re getting the work done? Honestly, I know it’s more complicated than the presence or absence of relevant passion but when you’re facing the paper piles that must be graded, or read, or cleaned, passion for doing what you must is an incredible boost.

UPDATE: The advantages of not posting right away are I get to kind of read between the lines of what I wrote later. Basically this was my way of venting on how I can't motivate myself very often, but hoping that the ensuing IST would. For more on that, read above!