Taking into consideration that my comments here are really just a microcosm of my current emotions, but also considering the fact that I’m more inclined to write when I am trying to wrestle through things in my head, I’m frustrated. I tend to only want to write when I feel like what I have to say is something worth listening to, although I’m making the rather brash assumption what I deem worthy is what others need/want to hear. So, my point in all this drivel is that I’m going to try to stop saying anything “meaningful” and start saying….something.

So the last two days have been somewhat unusual in terms of my life so far as a Tanzanian teacher. I have been invigilating (fancy British English – I think – term for proctoring) exams. And today I acquired 5 rulers, two erasers, and very nearly two ripped up tests during the exam. I saw every way of cheating I could have imagined possible and then some more. I’m pretty sure one girl had some notes in her shirt and then when she needed them pulled her arms inside like she was cold and kinda stretched out her sweater so she could read between her shirt and her sweater. What can I do for that one? So I feel the need to give her props on her creative ingenuity that massively outshone the girl who turned around to compare tests with her friend.

But my frustrations of late have to do with more than that, as I’m still struggling through the material and being a good, effective teacher isn’t quite the process I thought it would be. It’s humbling to say the least. I consider myself someone who thinks through problems logically and I feel like one of my greatest strengths is the ability to break a problem down and see it in parts. I thought if I introduced ideas the this way with a focus on the atoms building up to the molecule it would be clear and digestible the first time through. Oh, what little do I know. The funny thing is, I keep coming back to the problem of the parent, where because I said so is what you want to say because you know you’re right and because right now, you just can’t think of a really solid explanation. But that wont fly, and you’re expected to have reasons and explanations on the spot. Partially I brought this on myself, as I encouraged students to ask questions and press for the why. But now the stereotypical Tanzanian give the students notes to copy approach seems really nice.
It’s a struggle, battling between this idea of who you want to be to these people and the parts of your life you didn’t imagine sacrificing for it. I would consider my situation one of constant flux where I’m on a teeter-totter walking from one seat to the other constantly on the ground, and never in the middle balancing. I think I’ve expressed my discontent before but like what I said when I started, this is a little bit of self-therapy. Honestly, I’m not upset with the students (ok my students, I am upset with the testing students) or the administration or any of that. As a matter of fact, my relations with my peer walimu are only improving J. I’m upset with myself because I’m pretty sure I know what I need to do to get stuff done and I just can’t sometimes. I find it amusing how much of the personal growth you’re supposed to get in college, I can see happening to me here. I don’t know that it didn’t happen in Ithaca, but this sort of second go-round is nice. Theo, another volunteer in my area, and I were chatting over lunch one day about how we find ourselves surrounded by textbooks writing our lesson plans and we realize this is what we should have been doing for the last 4 years. Sadly, it takes having someone else depend on me to get myself adequately motivated, and like I said before, I still can’t make myself do it all the times I need to. And I’m spent….

On to more interesting things. We left Seattle and moved to the heartland in terms of weather. After that freaky week-long rain (which was apparently about a third of its usual length) we’re now seeing crystal clear mornings with increasing clouds during the afternoon and a return to cloudless skies in the evening. For some reason, Rungwe looks much more ominous without the clouds. There’s one particular view of it in town where every time I see it from that angle I realize it’s a pretty large mountain and it’s a volcano on top of that. Dormant for a long time of course but it’s fun to imagine myself as a young Pierce Brosnan in Dante’s Peak 2: African Killer saving people in the final minutes before the eruption.

Lately, I’ve been helping type exams. It’s strange how copying something from hand written to a screen in front of you can be way more soporific than reading news articles on that same screen. I suppose there’s the subject matter but it’s surprising how quickly I find myself nodding off when typing

I still have seven felines in my house. One option to get rid of a kitten fell through and I’m waiting for my others to as well, it only seems appropriate. Chichi brought in a mouse earlier, she looked rather pleased with herself but the kitten that took it just growled at anyone else who came close so I’m not sure we’re promoting good family values in this house.

I also got the box of books sent from the youth group at church this week. Let me rephrase, the 3 boxes of books and 1 box of signs are now taking up my living room. I will be sending a more formal thank you but the Peace Corps Volunteer book network appreciates your gifts! Books are passed around here like gossip so they will get good use.

In other news, the Royals have been awful. Zack’s in line for the win right now but we haven’t given the ball to the bullpen yet. Check that. They just put Tejeda in for Greinke. Let the fun begin! This internet is both a blessing and a curse. It allows me the freedom to write when I want to (not that I do as much as I should) but it also allows me to monitor severe weather outbreaks during the evenings in Kansas which translates to 2 am here. So, there are some downsides :P Not that I could do anything to change that, I mean it’s really out of my control. I HAVE to watch.


I welcome questions in the comments sections, or through email if you want to know something but I just haven’t touched on it. I lose sight of the fact that me living in Africa seems mysterious and far away because it’s all so normal now, but if you have questions about culture, lifestyle, or anything in particular, I’ll be happy to narrate excessively for you. Ok, back to a good mood! Partially due to talking it out, and partially due to a double play by the Royals where they’ve had runs scored against them so far this year.