Goals 2 and 3

Two-thirds of the goal of the Peace Corps is cultural exchange. Volunteers become ambassadors both directions serving as an example of Americans while at their sites and then a source of knowledge of the culture of their service country when they get back. It’s a cool responsibility and one that’s relatively easy to fulfill as it doesn’t take much effort beyond being yourself. Still, often times these aspects of PC service are considered the most successful and effective examples of Peace Corps’ impact on host countries.

Recently I’ve been doing a lot of just talking with my students since my opportunities to do so are becoming increasingly limited. It seems they have a set list of questions to ask whenever they get an opportunity to ask whatever they want, which is frustrating at times because I feel like I have already answered everything. But then again, I would imagine the same questions would come up in America. It doesn't help that since I'm a novelty everyone wants to ask questions, which makes it understandable that the same things come up. I’m not sure what media outlet started the Free Masons craze here but every Tanzanian student is convinced they’re one of the biggest concerns right now. I do my best to explain that they are regular people meeting in a club-like environment but I still get the same question so the answer is not getting passed around like the conspiracy theory that started this. I also get tired of the why don’t you like our Tanzanian women question. I still am not sure of the motivation behind that question, if it is to say I should be dating a Tanzanian because I’m here or if it’s more joking since I have said I have a girlfriend in America. I’ve even had that question asked of me by PC staff so it is clearly very much on the mind of most Tanzanian people.

Regardless of some minor nuisances, I still find the back and forth of asking questions to be a very enjoyable time. The questions asked are very telling about the community and their feelings and it’s a good opportunity to quell rumors about America or Americans that might not otherwise be addressed. The more times I’ve had these conversations the more pointed the questions have become, which is the benefit of having an American around and comfortably accessible. Just this last time one student asked if America was trying to recolonize Africa. To a PC volunteer that seems ridiculous but I can see how the right cynical perspective could pull that out of America's involvement in so much of the global stage.

It’s also an opportunity to realize some of the impacts you’ve had on your students. One student asked about something I had said the first day on classes which I don’t even remember saying. Granted, it didn’t help that the student couldn’t quite remember the words either, but I got the gist of it and it was an idea that I want the students to remember, so it's exciting to know my words are not falling on deaf ears.

Finally, I often use these back-and-forths as an opportunity to explain why certain things frustrate me. For example, I recently moved into my room that I’ll be staying in for the next 6 weeks or so, but the whole ordeal was an exercise in patience with Tanzanian culture. The day started off with me needing to reference a paper that should have been very easy to obtain. But instead I spent my time searching through boxes filled with papers laying in all directions once the librarian looked at the boxes and shrugged it off as difficult work. While it makes sense to an American that that just means you need to give more effort to the problem, the Tanzanians would see no issue with her giving up and saying it wasn’t meant to be. The fatalism in this country is infuriating and it is helpful to be able to explain that to my students even if they might not agree. Later in the day, I was ready to move but the work to build the door was ongoing, despite having started a full 48 hours before. So I paced, impatient with the situation while my Tanzanian counterparts did not understand my frustration. This might actually be an example of failed cultural exchange because I don’t think people understood my frustration with the issue and blamed me rather than the situation for the problem. Hopefully, if, over time, enough people show issue with the complete lack of timeliness in this country, Tanzanians will realize they need to change. I try to do my part in that process by showing them now that foreigners may not see that lack of concern for time as professional and I think simply exposing them to that fact gives them a leg up since they will be more ready for that expectation in the future.

Apologies for the choppiness of the post. It’s been kind of an idea dump more than a well thought out piece. However, I find it quite interesting to consider the seemingly peripheral effects of things like the Peace Corps that will shape the perception of Americans the world over.

Next in line...

Now that the health class three months ahead of me has gone through the COS process and made their way out of the country, it’s starting to hit me that I’m next in line and I could even classify my departure as soon. Meanwhile, there are daily reminders that I’m still in Tanzania. For example, the last three days I’ve been mostly in my bed or the bathroom due to a digestive issue with my stomach making sounds I didn’t know it could. Regardless, preparing for the end is kind of a rushed process for our class, not by choice but by necessity. As I think I’ve said before, the powers of PC TZ have been searching to shift the program for a while but it was apparently granted just recently. This means the new education volunteers will swear in in about 17 days and if we wanted our sites replaced we had a two month minimum overlap with our replacements.

We can debate the merits and faults of this plan on from both the sides on this and believe me as volunteers we have…too many times! Basically it boils down to do you want someone to help you find your way in a new village or discover it for yourself and do you want someone around while you’re packing up to leave? In the end, it’s irrelevant because the whole duration of Peace Corps they have pounded into you the need to be flexible. From the start, you can’t even choose your country of service and if I got one choice in my entire service I’m pretty sure that would be the one I’d want. The funny thing is I wouldn’t be here and I would have made a mistake with that one choice. The beautiful thing about this process is that when control is taken from you you’re left with making the best of what you have. Well, what I have is magnificent and I couldn’t imagine myself elsewhere. Why do most people love their hometowns? Because they had to live with them for 5, 10, 20 years before they could go anywhere else. Anyway, to bring me back to the point, the overlap is what it is and you’ll see the positives and not realize the negatives are things you could have been without.

However, what it does do to my immediate future is severely limit the time I have left to do things. I will be traveling to COS conference next week and will miss a significant chunk of those days. It wouldn’t be as much of an issue except that I have a female replacement. This means, per PC policy, that I need alternative housing and since I want my replacement to actually stay for her two years, I think it’s best I’m the one living in said housing. It’s not all bad. This gives me an extra filter in which I get to cut stuff out of the trip home. I can be silly with my sentimentality and packing two months early is a good way to cut that out.

Otherwise, it seems my final two months will be devoted to arguably my biggest project of service. The health weekends, which we’ve raised an astonishing amount for (Thank You!), will happen in September and October. With the money raised, we can fund three full weekends, each impacting 500-700 students! As we currently have them planned, they are 3-day events covering a broad range of topics including nutrition and well-being, diabetes, mental health, and sexual health, including HIV and AIDS. I should qualify that and say that I’m certainly not taking point on this project but I hope to make a significant contribution beyond collection of the funds. My Kiswahili is not good enough to run the sessions but I’m going to make every effort to facilitate them as best I can. Documentation to come!

Alas, staring down the tunnel it has gone from just light to a definite world on the other side but I still have a ways to go. Hopefully there are fewer weekends like this one left in my future and I can enjoy the days to come. I’m going to do my best to document the weeks ahead as it should be a volatile time with constantly changing plans. The outline is exciting but we’ll see what happens!

While I was out...

It's been a ridiculously long break since my last post again and so I feel obligated to start out by saying I'm sorry...again. But to be fair the last 2 months has been surprisingly busy. For lack of a more interesting way to present the information, I'll just run through the events.

The second half of May was pretty much exclusively teaching time. It always works out that the first two to three months of class are the most consistent, productive class time that one has in the school year so it was good to dive in and get a chunk out of the way before things really took off. It was a little concerning how quickly I felt like I was exhausted of teaching however. I look at my teaching load and responsibilities here in country and it just baffles me how teachers in the states do what they do for as many hours a day as they do it. Yeah, teaching two classes the same thing is easier to prepare but it's just as tiring! Not to mention the extra work outside of class where you have to grade etc. Anyway, as with everything else, I'm much more grateful for our education system in the states having seen an alternative.

Things really started to pick up the first full week of June. I headed to Morogoro the first to attend what we call the Training of the Trainers, or TOT for short. PC loves their acronyms and you find that everything and everyone has some two to three letter combination used as a reference to speed up conversations. Anyway, TOT was a gathering of every person, volunteer, staff, or contracted help, to plan sessions for the incoming class of trainees (PCTs in case you were wondering). Each volunteer (PCV :P) had applied to facilitate various sessions during the training and so we spent most of the week refining our plans and trying to coordinate between sessions occurring other weeks.

I've always felt like I've done a good job of surrounding myself with people that are one step above me on the intellectual scale. If you look at my resume, I feel like it reads quite impressively but when I look at myself in the context of those around me, I often feel overshadowed. Things like TOT, highlight it the most for me. All these other amazing volunteers have really brilliant ideas for passing on important information and I'm left looking at relatively simplistic ideas presented in a boring way. Nevertheless, we finished the week with a solid product prepared for the new group when they arrived just more than a week after that.

The Saturday after closing TOT, I boarded a bus to head all the way back to Mbeya because the following Monday, I took 3 girls to our annual girls empowerment conference in Mbeya town. Each year, for the last 3 years, the volunteers in the Mbeya region have come together to plan and execute a girls empowerment conference that teaches young women in our communities life skills. We do some of the standard HIV and AIDS presentations, but we go beyond that also, encouraging girls to achieve the most out of their lives. We have successful women come in and give talks about their achievements and the decisions that got them there. We have sessions teaching about family planning and why waiting isn't just about sexual health. There's a session on self-defense where we teach the girls how to quickly get away from someone who may be about to assault them. All-in-all, it's a really fun time while still being a significant educational experience that teaches information that often does not filter down to students in Tanzania.

Every year there is a talent show and for the past 3 years the volunteers have made a production to put on stage alongside the girls' talents. This year we chose Waka Waka, the Shakira song that was created as the theme song to the World Cup in South Africa. I think the video is on youtube if you want to find it but it was one of my favorite moments as a volunteer. We choreographed only the first two verses of the song intentionally, partially because of time constraints and partially because we planned to include the girls, but after we did our portion of the dance we brought up the girls to dance with us on stage. It's clear to me now that that event was not just South Africa's but rather all of sub-Saharan Africa and since Waka Waka represents that event, it's also everyone's song. There was passion in that free-dance beyond what I could have expected and it was a really awesome moment of community. But that's what the arts and athletics can do, bring together two sides of the world and have them cheer in unity.

Following the girls conference was the one week of normalcy in the last 6 or so. I had to pull together my strength to actually teach for a full week. I thought it would be easy since I knew I was going to leave again soon but instead it turned out to be much harder. I just could not focus and it seemed to be a waste of time to put in the effort to make each lesson valuable. I did make it through the week (life is so hard, right?) which was followed by the A-level short break, a one week vacation.

I had already made plans to spend this week on a trip to visit Anna and Adrienne, health volunteers in my region, and so Saturday morning I packed up and rolled out to Mbeya to get the bus that would take me to their villages. Now, if I could have driven straight from my site to theirs it couldn't have been more that 50km, but because the roads are poor and the bus takes people to Mbeya, I had to travel the long way around by first traveling north out of my own valley to Mbeya and then south along the ridge to my west above my valley to get to their sites, probably a good 150-200km.

The week consisted mostly of getting to see the daily life of a health volunteer. There's somewhat of a disconnect sometimes between the lives of health and education volunteers at their respective sites. Education is very structured and we have things laid out for us where as health volunteers really have to develop their work on their own. Additionally, the houses of health volunteers are usually more spartan than those of education volunteers. Both have their benefits but the lifestyles are noticeably different. The differences in Mbeya are highlighted even more by the fact that the health volunteer sites are very village with no water, no electricity, and so forth, where as education volunteers live quite well compared to the majority of Tanzanians. We spent time playing lots of cards, exercising, and cooking in between seeing the various projects they worked on. We made lots of yummy food including two chocolate cakes...in two days.

We returned as a group and hiked Ngozi crater the following day. I think that was my 5th time doing the hike, but since it's such a nice hike, it just happens. Finally, after meeting up with additional friends, some PC, some not, we rented a car to travel to Matema Beach to celebrate the 4th of July. Again, I think this was my 5th time going to Matema Beach, but I could go 5 more times and not be satisfied, as it's the perfect mix of village and tourist all in one.

The group was fantastic and it could be split into smaller groups if that was more appropriate for the activity. There's little more to say than that it was as close to the quintessential beach party as you could get. We played baseball in the lake with my whiffle ball and bat (thanks mom!), relaxed in the sun and read a book every morning, and even roasted a pig on July 4th. So it was actually only half the pig but it was still legit. We dug a pit and lit a fire of coals below and then placed the pig on logs that were laid across the pit. Despite the set-up catching fire a couple times, we enjoyed a nice pile of delicious pig that night.

Finally, upon returning from Matema, I continued on to Morogoro to do the actual training of the new class. 39 volunteers make up the group of incoming trainees, however the big difference between this and years past, aside from the scheduling, is that almost half of the group is English teachers. Recently, Peace Corps did an impact study here in Tanzania and found that our single greatest contribution is English language education. I’m not sure if that’s what motivated the switch to English teachers with the new classes, however, it has become a focus one way or another. This resulted in the size of my math group being significantly smaller which is both nice for the short term and disappointing for longer term goals.

I facilitated three sessions to varying degrees of success. The first day we had a math session dealing with the culture of defeatism that most Tanzanians have when it comes to math. Since the day was running slowly, it was kind of tacked carelessly on and ended up getting significantly shortened, which made anything beyond general conversations a challenge. The second day, our morning session was on logical thinking and problem solving and it went much better. We analyzed our own analysis of a Sudoku puzzle in order to identify methods of problem solving and then took a list of methods and applied them to a form 1 (first year of secondary school) math problem. It was a really good session with lots of discussion on how to teach at the introductory level. Finally, the afternoon session was kind of wiped away unfortunately. The original topic of group work was addressed through various other sessions in the previous weeks so we considered trying a physics lab for those who were interested. However, due to some miscommunication we ended up learning how to read 4-figure math tables which are necessary for the first half of secondary school so not all was lost. After sessions, we all went to dinner together and had an enjoyable evening of drinks and pizza.

The next day I had intended to go to the bus stand and get on a bus for home, however, July 7th (Sabasaba or sevenseven for those translating) is a national holiday much like our labor day. Therefore, people travel everywhere and even with an entire fleet of buses heading southwest, I was not able to find a seat. I was able to buy a ticket for the following day, which I did, then returned to the training site. The afternoon was the time period where the trainees learn about the sports and games that are played in the schools and so it was an opportunity to get exercise, something I am always in need of here.

The next day was a rather uneventful day of traveling, which I have learned to consider a good thing. Eventful usually means bad and so the fact that I woke up at a normal hour and was in Tukuyu before sunset made it a very good travel day.

Now I’m teaching from now until COS conference and then with long break approaching who knows what I’ll do the last month. Hopefully blog a bit more perhaps? :P

The big news since my last post would be my selection to be a volunteer facilitator in the training of the new education class. It’s always nice to come full circle and be part of passing the torch on to the next group. I got to do it in college being a TA for the introductory meteorology course and now I get to do it again for a few days with the new volunteers. I think the training is a both necessary and important introduction to being a volunteer. It slows the culture shock down somewhat since it’s a shared experience with other Americans, allowing you the opportunity to learn about the cultural differences comfortably together. In addition to easing into the culture it offers time to prepare for your daily activities once you get to site. It’s already enough of a challenge to teach here when the your approach is fundamentally different than those you’re working with, so doing so without going through a bit of training would be nearly impossible. Anyway, I was chosen to assist the staff in the training and I’m thoroughly looking forward to it!

The garden project is continuing slowly. We dug our first few beds and planted them early on. However, a somewhat expected lack of organization has left this part untended and it is looking a little tired. However, after a week, the students chose to expand with their own efforts and raised a little money for seeds to create a second plot that is, for now, still bare. We’ll see how the space does as the next week or so continues and plants should start to grow in. Finally, the headmaster has committed the school to funding the purchase of seeds for growing cabbage. In the next few days, we’re hoping to set up a space to start our seeds and have them germinate and grow for a few weeks. After they are stronger, we’ll transplant them into the larger garden alongside the lettuce, carrots, and local spinach that we have already started.

On a different note, in the coming weeks Tanzania’s power supply is be severely impaired when one of the power plants goes offline for repairs. From what I have gathered, for about 8 days starting mid-week this week the power will be out from 8am until 11pm at night. I think power is one of the biggest things I take for granted in the United States. To some degree, I think the expectation for the power to be on at all times is justified in that we’ve built a system that can capably support the demand and we as consumers pay for each bit of electricity we receive. I suppose there are places where we don’t bear the full cost of the service but in general we get what we pay for. Here, simply getting on the grid can be a significant challenge and once you are, the reward is often too much demand for the supply available. It’s an interesting difference in perspective and a good example of how we adjust to what’s available. When you first arrive in country, power outages often endlessly annoy where as by the end, you have a system and power outages can be some of your most productive hours. Let’s hope that holds true this next week.

In non-Tanzanian news, I’ve been tracking the release of a study done by the Brookings Institution in D.C. It’s been ranking bus systems across the United States on their ability to serve transit dependents and especially if they can get them to their jobs. Somewhat shockingly, Wichita ranks in the upper half of the nation’s largest 100 metro areas by these metrics but I feel like anyone in the city would generally agree that our system is severely lacking. The Wichita Eagle is running a story this morning about the city hiring an advisor to identify citizens’ feelings on the issue and as gas soars towards $4 a gallon, I think an improved public transportation system is going to have significant support. I thought the end of the article had an interesting twist in that it brought forward the idea of a referendum for dedicated funding of the system and capital expansion. If that route should be taken, I think it’s important for the city to identify an endgame. Not just ask do you want to raise taxes for a better bus system, but do you want to raise taxes for THIS better bus system. Those of you who know me well know my passion for transportation and have seen its products, including my own ideas for an overhaul of the city’s transportation system. And while I have opinions on what improvements should be implemented, I would definitely support such an effort. I’m interested to hear what other Wichitans think and I’ll definitely be keeping tabs on the story.

Getting up to cruising altitude...

It’s always a challenge to get myself to sit down for 30 minutes and hash out a blog post. I don’t really know why, since there’s not a whole lot of news to write and a few words are valid posts, but I can never seem to consistently do it. It makes me impressed to think about all the blogs I read on a regular basis where someone sits down to write meaningful work every few days, often with little to no monetary benefit but just to talk through ideas.

Anyway, here in Tanzania, things are starting to accelerate. I’ve begun work with a group of students to build and maintain a garden on the school grounds. We started small, digging about 4 beds and planting seeds for various leafy greens (although we’ll see if we had any success with the chickens picking at it for a week). We ran into a problem with miscommunication between myself and the headmaster in terms of what the goals of the group are, as he was disappointed with the size we started with. I wanted the students to show an ability to care for the food but it seems expansion is the priority at this point. When peace corps trains us in gardening methods, they obviously want us to pass those on to the Tanzanian people to spread awareness. However, it’s a battle for every volunteer to try and get the locals to listen to them when teaching because they will never see us as people who know how to farm. We don’t help the image by using the tools efficiently but still it’s frustrating when you have something you want to teach but no one who respects you on the subject enough to listen. I have a couple students beginning to show interest in the concepts so I think maybe I’ll teach a lesson or two on the side and make that a smaller part of the project as a whole. So from here on, I’m hoping to create a system that can be maintained through the constant turn-over that occurs from the school having students run the program. I think seeing something that functions through several leaders would be a big success, especially in this environment.

In other news, the fundraising is officially a go for the health weekends with the local teachers colleges. We had a gap in preparation due to my site mate returning to the states and the other volunteer we are working with needing to take some time off for a few weeks. However, we’re back in the planning stages and while I’m taking a more passive role with these conferences, it’s still exciting to see necessary education done on such a scale.

As for the girls’ empowerment conference, we’re approaching that time where we’re still far enough away to see it as the distant future but close enough to realize work should be started asap. I’m working with at least two other volunteers on putting together a nutrition education program for the girls. We’re finding we have little time to include it in the regular class schedule, so we’re doing our best to design some sort of entertainment teaching on the subject. Other than that, preparations like selecting girls and getting permission slips signed are time consuming necessities that always seem way harder to do that they should be.

I got asked in class today how I felt about the death of Osama Bin Laden. Given that it has been 10 years since 9/11 the response to it emotionally is lacking a bit. I certainly don’t feel like a New Yorker would feel but it’s not like it is lost on me what a horrific day that was. I’ve stood on those grounds before and after the attacks and one of my most unexpected virulent reactions was driving over a bridge in the city, on our way home after visiting Hannah at Wood’s Hole, and realizing that the towers really were gone. However, it was easy to give a sort of politically correct answer and shift the subject. I asked the student how he felt about it, given that before 9/11 Al Qaeda attacked Tanzanians in the American Embassy in Dar es Salaam. Yes it was an attack on the US and even on US soil technically, but the reality is, the attack killed Tanzanians. It was actually a good reminder of just how universal his hatred was for people unlike him. I think the student would have loved to ask more questions but we ran out of class time but it was still an interesting exchange, despite the fact that I’m certain the student was looking for some sort of jubilant response from me.

The last beginning of the school year...

The school year has officially begun and after a week and a half of relatively frustrating progress I forsee at least another week of slow going before we truly get into the swing of things. Part of the problem is the schedule, which has been unfortunate at best. After returning to country, I had two weeks of nothing before the students returned to school. However, once they arrived, I had to leave for Dar es Salaam for a VAC (Volunteer Advisory Council) meeting for the remainder of the week. Now this week, the school has been struggling with rooms and the class schedule to get students where they need to be and following a consistent schedule. If that wasn’t enough, this year has Easter fall at the end of this week so we are not having class Friday for Good Friday and then Monday for Easter Monday (I always wondered what that day was on the calendar, now I still don’t know but it’s more relevant). The kicker is that the national holiday Union Day, which is always April 26th, falls on Tuesday, giving us a full 5 day weekend. Union Day is a celebration of the anniversary of the unification (surprise!) of TANganyika and ZANzibar. I assume ia was to make it sound more like a real country than Tanzan :P.

Going back for a second, the VAC meeting was a good experience. It’s the second one I have been a part of and it is an opportunity for the volunteers to send representatives to Dar to discuss issues with the PC administration. Often times it turns into a frustrating dialogue between volunteer representatives, who understand that an issue can’t be fixed easily or sometimes at all but have to pass on the complaint from another, and staff who want to put the issue to rest by giving a solid explanation. But usually, tucked in the discussion somewhere is legitimately important material that has to get passed along and does, although perhaps less effectively than we would like. The experience for me is a reminder that we are still a governmental organization and bureaucracy reigns. Many of the answers are carefully phased and things that could potentially allow us to be more flexible in our service aren’t feasible due to the amount of red tape implementation would have to cut through. Still, I think it’s a good opportunity to get volunteers an eye into the administration and bring the two onto the same page.

Back at school, my garden project has been given the official go ahead and we are looking to meet in the coming days to begin the project. I really haven’t ever seen the process of preparation for something like this through its entirety before. In the past, I have entered once the labor comes into the picture to set up and actually work a project. Now, I have to figure out where exactly we are building this garden, how fast it should grow, and who will be involved with each step. It’s a learning experience and having the critical decisions end with me is a situation I don’t think I’ve been in before. I want to include a few Tanzanians beyond my students in the project to expose them to the gardening methods. Yet, it’s not like I can just pass them through to the person who taught me. A volunteer’s responsibility is to distribute skills to the host country national, but up until now that didn’t really process as meaning I will sometimes be the end of the line for information. As we become independent, even in college, it seems as though we still have that net to fall into, be it professors in class or our parents for our home troubles. Obviously, it’s not like I’m out in the cold if I don’t succeed and failure results in some exposed dirt or a corner overgrown with weeds. It’s just dawning on me that the success and failure of this project begins and ends with me and what I have to offer today, which, on a small scale, is terrifyingly exciting.

Other than the garden project, I’m trying to ramp up to normal class operation. I decided to ease myself in with less intense activities that should hopefully stimulate the mind. It’s interesting to see the intellectual differences between our two cultures. I’m trying to make the students think about how to extract as much information as possible out of a word problem and then also exercise their ability to reason so I gave them logic puzzles out of a magazine that was left at my house. When I tried to offer it to the first class, the response was predictably one of confusion and disinterest. Tanzanians have this perception that there is a set list of things to do to study and be prepared for their exams and deviation from that method is a waste of time. I probably have complained about it before. But something that isn’t clearly part of the subject we are studying is definitely not something they see as a good use of brain power. Meanwhile, many people in the states seek out these kinds of problems, which is why my book exists in the first place. What is it about us that causes us to seek to stretch our abilities like that? I’m starting to understand the pessimism from people who operate here long term as the product of the lack of that desire, on the Tanzanians’ part, to improve oneself without reward. When we encounter Tanzanians who break that mold it’s exciting enough to be news for the next time we see other volunteers, the same way as if we saw an awesome sports play. But I suppose that’s our purpose as volunteers, to offer the new way of thinking and if anyone latches on we can support them in continuing with their development. In case anyone does, I have something like 150 logic puzzles at home!

Rounding third....

Given that we’re at the end of a break, I find I have two options for things to talk about. I could discuss my break, which included a trip to the states as well as Matema Beach. However, I think it’s better to look to the future. Especially given that my remaining time here is shrinking incredibly fast. If you do the math, I have about a quarter of my time left, so in the spirit of the beginning of the baseball season, I'm rounding third. I kind of view it like my senior year of school. You have that one last go around where you’re both capable and in control. You can take the easy way out and coast through on easy classes, try to get a head start on future work, or you can acknowledge the opportunity sitting in front of you, which you are better qualified to take now more than any other time ever. I suppose if I was considering an extension, that experience could be the entire time beyond my two years of service I stay in country. However, I am blessed with a fantastic future back home and, as was proven to me on my break in the states, I will be ready to move on when my service ends. Therefore, to summarize what lies ahead I’ll go through my projects one-by-one with a goals list that I can reference on my way out of country. Teaching: My first priority has to be being an effective teacher. It has been a challenge fighting through materials that I was never fully comfortable with, however, I feel that I have a solid understanding of what concepts are beyond my ability to self-educate. Things like quality lab experiments and the higher ends of electromagnetism and circuitry are responsibilities I am hoping to share with someone who has taken the class before. I will see the results of my work with the first class in a few weeks when national exam scores are released. Hopefully, they will be positive. We shall see exactly how my work load turns out soon, once the schedule is set. It is possible I could return to a full-time math teacher which would bring in some more interesting and complex geometry and calculus work. Library: A major project of mine over time has been an upgrade to the library here at school and to say it hasn’t seen progress would be unfair. But it is equally unfair to imply that the library has been improved at all. It has moved from its small room in the back of a building to a series of four rooms, two recently constructed, in the front of the building. However, the books are still found in piles and boxes and are difficult to access for the students. The inability to use the library as a resource has not changed at all and its check out process still deters students. If work should continue on the building, I will actively get involved yet again and try to implement a system that is student friendly and effective. It’s possible this is a project that could extend beyond my time in Tanzania, as it wouldn’t be too hard to send books to the school in the future for use in the library. However, I have to see motivation on the part of the school administration to complete the project before I put significant effort into it. Gardening: I am still working through the preparatory processes of starting a garden project at the school. So far, a dedicated group of students has shown me they are willing to put in effort to maintain a garden and meet with me to work through the challenges we might face. The project still has to get a green light from the headmaster but I could see this being a success if for no other reason than that I would be in charge, cutting out bureaucracy, and we can start work immediately after approval. I also have counterparts that would be interested in this activity and be there when I am not, which is a sustainability factor that I haven’t been able to produce so far. Ministry of Water Cooperation: Recently, I’ve made a contact with a man in the Ministry of Water and Irrigation here in town. He currently works with a community education project on preserving the water resources here in the Rift Valley. Part of their work is to explain why we want to keep the watersheds clean and what actions are keeping them dirty. This affects everything from trash removal to farming techniques. In fact, it’s possible the garden and this project could merge into one if my friend finds the techniques useful in improving yields without fertilizer or farming immediately adjacent to the streams. Student Life Improvement Lectures: I gave my sleep lecture several months ago and I would consider it somewhat of a success. I think the information was taken to heart by some of the students who realized that sleep is as critical a part of succeeding in school as studying. I am working on a Time Management and Study Skills seminar currently, with plans for nutrition to be a third lecture that will hopefully coincide with the beginning of produce from the garden project. Conferences: Mbeya region has a Girls’ Empowerment Conference scheduled for June that I hope to participate with. While my role is more one of support than leadership, the function is quite large with upwards of 70 girls doing various events from education on appropriate social interactions, to goals planning, to health education. It is a fun week at camp for girls who might otherwise find themselves misguided and even taken advantage of in everyday society. Additionally, I’ve been working with a Scottish volunteer to put together a set of heath weekends that teach early college-age students simple heath facts that they may not otherwise learn. HIV and AIDS is a huge problem in Africa but it, along with malaria, can often overshadow other health issues to the point where they aren’t even considered, sadly, sometimes at the expense of a life. The health weekend would work to pass on information about issues such as diabetes and mental health that might otherwise be ignored to students in teachers’ colleges who could then further distribute the information to the classes they teach once they graduate. It’s interesting to compare my goals now to my goals just a year ago. I had just left my big training that occurs three months into service and had ideas for what I could do with the school. Those turned into focuses on the library and my Swahili skills, which, for better or worse, have fallen in the priorities list. I may not speak fantastic Swahili but I can get by, and the library has moved along at a snail’s pace. Yet, I think I can still accomplish a significant amount between now and my return to the states, even potentially starting new projects that could live beyond my time here. It’s both exciting and sad to think about the end, but my window is closing whether I like it or not. It’s time to make something of my two years here :P

The role of respect

When you start the process of going somewhere where you will live in a different culture they warn you about the cultural issues. Watch out for the wrong hand motions, always be aware of how you are presenting yourself, try to use their language, etc. However, what they don’t always succeed in explaining is that the differences extend beyond that, into the very core ideas of what is acceptable interaction between humans. I’m finding it hard to deal sometimes with the idea of respect as it is shown here in Tanzania. Some of the ways of showing respect in this country look to me a lot more like submission and servitude than respect.

I suppose first of all, I should apologize to my brothers, Erik and Samuel. Some of the things that drive me up the wall today are the very things I would do to them when we were younger. Not because I thought they needed to develop more respect for me as their big brother, or even that I wanted them to fear me, but rather I just exercised the power that being a larger human being gave me at the time. I remember both Mom and Hannah trying to explain the problem with what I was doing and really not processing that what I was doing was harmful both physically and psychologically. Now, I think at least, my mismanagement as a big brother has not permanently hurt our relationship as siblings but similar cycles I see developing here are causing this country issues.

For example, one big issue, that entirely stems from the culture, is this idea that with age you somehow earn respect from those younger than you, like somehow you have done more respect-worthy things by just having been breathing for longer. I’ve developed a rather rigid rubric for what earns respect in my eyes, but one of the most important characteristics of someone who deserves respect is that they respect others. I think if you look through human history, you find that those who fit this bill, are some of the most powerful people in their generation. Fear and brute strength will only keep things quiet for a time, as we are proving with current events in the Middle East. Look how quickly Gaddafi lost the support of other nations once he showed that he had no respect for his people. Not all people are good, and not all people should be given a pass or even forgiveness (although I would challenge the notion that we have the right to withhold that), but we compartmentalize too quickly. In our heads it flows “that person is a thief, therefore” when in reality we need to understand what lead to the person thieving. It may not change the fact that they need disciplined, but context matters. Respecting them as a fellow human being means offering them a chance to defend themselves. But, before I get lost on an ideological tangent, the relevance to this situation is that the interaction here between the young and old is not always one of earned respect but of expected respect.

A teacher will expect the students to bring them food during morning tea break by just pulling them away from their group of friends. The headmaster will call meetings and have no issues running into class time. I think I’ve complained here before that no one worries about anyone else’s time. But rather, it’s the totem pole. I’m higher than you. The teacher is higher than the student therefore; the student must do as the teacher asks. Never mind that the student may be a star performer and have listened intently during the class the teacher taught that day, fulfilling his or her side of the education agreement. No, that student should get the food, expending effort to make sure the food is of the highest quality available, not just what was on top, instead of using what may be an important break for their ability to perform at a high academic level. Or, for our other example, the headmaster is higher than the student, so he is more deserving of the teachers’ attention. That’s fine once in a while but weekly meetings about things that are not immediately important and take away from the students’ instruction time are a lack of respect for the students.

Another issue that I have come across is the actual physical badgering of those below them, at least in a school setting. The country still has corporal punishment as a discipline method and I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m ok with that as a concept. Discipline given with respect and a sincere concern for improving the person is a good and necessary thing. However, corporal punishment is almost never followed as it is legally allowed and it often quickly loses its use as anything more than an oppressive display of power. One day recently, one of the worst abusers of corporal punishment walked along in front of me and I watched as kids retreated, even if only slightly, and cowered as he made slightly threatening moves with his stick. It was exactly the same response I get from animals in Tanzania who view any movement from a human as preceding some sort of beating. There is no respect there, only pure power, and that really bothers me. But what’s even more concerning is that those students see that power as what awaits them if they should become a teacher professionally. They earned the right to intimidate and abuse because they passed a certain level of school.

Now, I do want to address the fact that I seem to be dictating good and bad from my high American horse. I’m hesitant to actually address these issues outright because, as some of the teachers will tell you, it’s the way Tanzanians are. Taking away the system wouldn’t process as a shift in disciplinary methods but rather as a loss of enforcement. I recognize that I didn’t come to this country on some proselytizing mission devoted to instilling a system of best practices as compiled by Andrew Shook. I’m not here to fix everything, just to offer a little help, then leave. Additionally, I think the make love not war camp is just as far off base as the other end of the spectrum. Power that is fairly earned and exercised is something that should be preserved and fought for.

There is any number of reasons that humans do bad things to each other. We’re inherently sinful, we evolved under the context of survival of the fittest, or some people are just bad people. But being cognizant of when something is bad, and when it’s just out of cultural context can be a challenge. I do think there is an understanding between them that it is a discipline and respect issue, but it worries me that it clearly goes beyond that, and frequently. What to do about it is a never ending challenge for the Peace Corps volunteer, and an issue I hope to address soon.

The neglected story of coming to site

I received a request to tell the tale of my arriving at site recently, so here is that story. I apologize if I have forgotten a few details you were interested in.

The day before heading to site is swearing in. For our event, we had a ceremony on the lawn at the US Ambassador’s residence in Dar es Salaam. It was a motivating ceremony as we were all gathered together to commit ourselves to service for 2 years and everyone is excited to see where they’re going. After the ceremony, which was on the day before Thanksgiving, we went to our Country Director’s house for a thanksgiving meal. At some point that evening, I think it dawned on us that we were not going to see the majority of our group members for a long time. We knew who are site mates are, so we know who we were going to be on the bus with. But the realization that it could be over a year before seeing friends you was kind of a difficult one. Not only because you’ve developed relationships but because you rely on them to help you deal with the challenges of living in another culture and it’s scary to see that support leg headed out the door.

The bus tickets were purchased so that we would sit next to our school’s representative, but given that we had met with these people just one time, it didn’t take us long to formulate a plan to sit together as volunteers. In retrospect, this seems kind of childish but at the time it seemed like a dramatic improvement on our situation. It’s funny how when you’re a kid you assume all those nerves and concerns go away as you grow. To some degree they do, but the reality is, put yourself in a challenging situation and you find they haven’t disappeared at all, they’re just lying dormant. Anyway, we ended up sitting as we were assigned and nothing went wrong...surprise!

When we started the day, we knew it was going to be a long drive…we just didn’t realize it was going to be THAT long. I still complain about the bus ride but the reality is that I can do it without much trouble now. I remember only a couple parts of the actual ride. I spent the entirety of my training in the northern half of the country, only leaving the Dar-Morogoro corridor twice; once on shadow to Kondoa and once on our trip to Mikumi National Park. Entering the southern highlands is rather impressive. You pass through the Mikumi area and then head up a big hill. From there on things get very hilly and you begin to careen along the side of ever increasing hills that become mountains with a massive river below you. Traveling at full speed and passing these massive buses is quite scary and it really doesn’t end, save one 15ish kilometer stretch of flat, until you’re just outside of Iringa. It was my first realization that there was something more to Tanzania than the semi-arid grassland in the middle of the country and the coastal plains of Dar. How little I knew!

I remember being disappointed I slept passed Iringa. I truly enjoy traveling through cities. I don’t know for sure why but I have always liked to see each place pass by instead of sitting on the same rural-looking highway passing around it. Knowing Iringa as I do now, you don’t go into the city so I hadn’t really missed much. Shortly after Iringa we hit a dog in the middle of the road. Considering the pack of dogs that had been there moments before, it was a surprisingly low mortality rate.

Nothing much of significance passed after that until coming into the Mbeya area. Given that I have a really good sense of direction and map memory, I didn’t fall into the trap of thinking I’d almost made it to Tukuyu but it was dusk and it served as a unfortunate reminder that I still had further to go. Just outside of the “suburb” (it’s really just all one massive conglomeration of urban poverty, just different names for different parts) of Uyole, the road climbs a mountain to get into our valley. I remember watching the headlights of the bus against the curves as we went down and around all these hills because by this time I couldn’t see anything else.

When we finally arrived in Tukuyu, I got off to a well-lit and relatively active bus stand and only did what I was told. Collect all my stuff, and put it into a cab. We were trained all of training that we have to be in charge of all our stuff or it will probably get stolen. In Ubungo, that may be true, but away from the biggest cities con artists and thieves are much harder to find. However, not knowing that at the time made me quite nervous. After we got everything into the cab, probably a 5-10 minute affair, we loaded ourselves and rode the perhaps 1-1.5 minute ride to my house. I think at the time it was probably the best approach given how much stuff I had, but that is the only time I have ever taken a cab for that trip.

My second master, who had accompanied me from Dar, brought me to the house and helped me get settled inside. It was a large space, considering at no point in my life had “my space” consisted of anything more than a bedroom. So naturally, I put my stuff in my bedroom and headed to the headmaster’s house for dinner. He was out of town for the night and I had only Mama and the kids to eat with. After dinner, I found my way home and went to sleep.

The next morning, I spent about 3 hours setting up some of my house, specifically my bedroom, finding what was in the room that had been locked and generally rearranging until I felt like it was a least slightly my house. About the time I was ready to relax, I got a call from Theo, who realized he had no food or things to do in his house. He found his way into town, an hour and a half long affair, and we started to figure out what was where. We found lunch at a restaurant that has since become one of our mainstays and began shopping for both food and home items in the market.

Of course, we didn’t get everything in those first few days and the process of outfitting a home continued for several weeks. Now however, everything seems to have happened right away but it was a process that took time and planning. My house is very much mine now, even though wall decorations are scant, and those that exist are not mine. I’ve adjusted the arrangement of things several times but that’s part of who I am. It’s all a matter of perspective of course, but now the process of arriving seems like a small step in the process, but it absolutely was a massive shock to my self-comfort as I had never been so alone before. Actually, I doubt I’ll ever face such a substantial challenge alone again….Interesting. :)

I suppose I should apologize for my extended blogging absence. While I recognize that I can obviously write when I want, I do know some people use my blog as a way to keep tabs on me, so I’ll try to improve my frequency here in the coming weeks.

I suppose I should first start with an update on the recent events here in Tanzania. For Christmas, I was blessed with a visit from my family for the holiday season. Yes, that’s right, Mom traveled across the world! How’s that for a Christmas gift!? Overcoming lifelong fears to visit means quite a bit!

Anyway, they arrived on December 23rd into Dar es Salaam, with the those coming from America arriving quite late. I was fortunate enough to have some Peace Corps friends who were able to reserve them rooms at a hotel as well as get bus tickets for the morning. Now, I have to admit, if you ask any volunteer here in Tanzania they would tell you they would be concerned with family trying to navigate Dar alone and I was quite concerned something would go wrong. However, fortunately, everything seemed to go according to plan and everyone found their way onto the correct bus in their seats when the bus pulled out of Ubungo, the main bus stand, which is probably the most hectic and stressful place I’ve encountered in country.

After experiencing the 14 hour bus ride that brings you from Dar es Salaam to Tukuyu the family disembarked only a short walk from my house. Once we reached the house, I served the dinner I had hastily cooked during a miscommunication, thinking they were an hour and a half closer than was actually true.

The next morning was Christmas day and we shared presents. Hannah and James brought their gifts from the first leg of their trip in India and everyone else brought gifts from home. It was really nice to have a true family Christmas, even if the only decoration in the room was the one Christmas stocking I found in the house when I moved in.

It’s amazing how quickly you fall back into family time together. While some people that unfortunately means the standard family bickering but for us, it is a well developed sense of family and togetherness, honed on month long road trips together in The Old Green Van (I’m starting to understand why you wanted a family picture with it Dad :P). It was a lovely morning, complete with a wildly out-of-place rendition of I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas.

We also did a tour of my school, walking around to see where I operate on a daily basis. It was nice to show the family what I do here. While I know all my work can be idolized and sound great, it is cool to be able to show that my daily life is not all that different from any other high school teacher’s. The system is different and but the reality is, I work in a school much like any other teacher. The difference is, I’m (trying!) to do more than teach. I showed the family my library project, in its eternal state of being worked on and hopefully now they can visualize where my garden project happens, if it gets approved.

Over the next two days we did traveling around the Tukuyu area. This valley is quite blessed in terms of its natural wonders which to see. We went to Ngozi Crater Lake the day after Christmas and then Kaparogwe Waterfall the next. Since I’ve spent time describing these two places before, I’m going to move on for now (with pictures of course).

The last day was an unexpected one. We had initially intended to go to Mikumi National Park but through some planning errors we tried to get a bus ticket too late and were forced to wait a day, cutting out the Mikumi trip. That day we spent in town again, with the family choosing their cloth to be made into Tanzanian clothes. After choosing their cloth of choice, we all went to the tailor to be measured. While we continued on our trip, the clothing was sewn and I have since picked them up. They’ll be taking about half my bag on the way home, but I’m excited to see if they like them.

The following day was that bus ride again. It’s always too long. It’s always tiring. And when going to Dar, the end is always sweat-inducing. We finally got to Dar in the evening of the 30th. I had a surprisingly good experience negotiating the cab, as we were too many for a real one, so we got a pickup truck to take us in. Once settled at the YMCA we walked around looking for a recommended restaurant, Snoopy’s. They have fantastic pizza and ice cream and so when you next find yourself in Dar…

The following day was business and good-byes. Hannah and James left for the airport in the early afternoon to head back home. After setting up a few travel related issues for the next week with Dad, the rest of us went to the airport after dinner to see Mom and Erik off as well.
The next morning, Dad, Samuel, and I headed out on the dala dalas to get to the ferry boat that would take us to Mafia Island. I’m glad they got to experience both the Dar bus and the standard mini-van dala. Now they see what we travel on usually: no personal space and even less comfort :P But you get used to it and eventually a ride is a ride. The dala dropped us off within sight of our boat and after acquiring some drinking water we jumped aboard the ferry, which is really just a large fishing boat with some 40-50 people packing the deck. It was a relatively pleasant ride out the mouth of the Rufiji and across the ocean to the island. After the ferry stopped well off-shore we hopped into a smaller boat for the ride to the shore…or so we thought. We still got to walk a good 500 feet in the water although it never was deeper than thigh-high. Our guesthouse manager picked us up at the port and drove us across the island to the guesthouse, where we prepared for festivities, as this was December 31st. However, we did not succeed in lasting until midnight as our previous late night at the airport caught up with us.

The next day we spent the afternoon snorkeling in the southeastern bay of the island. There are many coral outcroppings and all the fish imaginable to go with them. If I could have only shown one picture from this whole trip it probably would have been the scene from when I was paddling amongst a school of some of the most colorful fish I have a ever seen. Unfortunately, I have no underwater camera equipment and I’ll have to keep the memory in my mind but it was one of those experiences you can never forget. I had a little bit of a mishap however. I put on sunscreen as we were walking to the shore and the boat. However, I waited till we were on the boat to apply my sunscreen under what my shirt had been covering….then I took it off and jumped in the water. Baaaaaad idea.

The next day we went swimming with the whale sharks on the other side of the island. Again, the pictures do not give the full picture but you can kind of see what it was like. After jumping into the water as one would swim by and losing it almost immediately for an hour, we returned to shore and the guesthouse.

The next day we traveled across the island one last time to the tiny airstrip in the main town. There, our 6-seat aircraft awaited to take us to Dar. It is by far the smallest aircraft I’ve ever flown in but it was an enjoyable experience and I never felt concerned, which was a little surprising. We switched terminals at the airport, from charter flights to commercial flights, to catch our Precision Air flight to Zanzibar. Clocking in at less than 20 minutes we stepped off to find our cabbie waiting for us. Now, we picked these destinations off of recommendations and so it was logical to do the same for our lodging. We reserved a room at an inn on the island with the same method but were surprised when the cab turned away from the old Stonetown and headed off into the countryside. We drove for over an hour before we came to a beachside resort on the complete opposite side of the island. Oops. It was actually a lovely place and if I were traveling to stay somewhere isolated for a few days, it would have been perfect. But for us who were looking for a base of operations for Zanzibar’s offerings, it was not ideal.

The next day we went back into town and met up with friends of mine who were also vacationing on the island. We saw an Anglican (I think) church built on the site of an Arab-run slave trade market and went to a museum about the history of the island. In the evening, we ate at a fresh fish market which was quite the tourist draw; although that did not negatively impact the quality of our Zanzibar pizzas.

Our last day on the island was spent doing a spice tour, which consisted of seeing each plant as it would grow in the wild, and a full lunch made with the same spices. The tour took the better part of the day but we returned to Stonetown in time to eat at Freddy Mercury’s, a beachside restaurant celebrating (I guess that’s what you would call hanging up lots of pictures and using the name) the Zanzibar native.

The following morning, we were able to rearrange our flights back to Dar to allow us to leave in the morning. We actually made the switch within 2 hours of our scheduled departure and still made it with plenty of time to spare, although we were assisted by a half-hour delay. Arriving back in Dar spent the day at the YMCA, introducing Dad and Samuel to my fellow volunteers who were in Dar before our conference. That evening, Dad and Samuel went to the airport for their return flight to the states. I stayed in Dar for the next week for my Mid-Service Conference before returning to site.

My sunburn developed into a subplot of the second week and actually even the weeks beyond. That’s what happens when you jump into the water immediately and then swim around for over 2 hours. I could tell when I was in the water that I was burning, as it already hurt halfway through the second snorkeling session. However being in the water was soothing and made it tolerable, which combined with strong direct sunlight made for a horrific burn. The first two days when we were on Mafia Island and traveling to Zanzibar my back hurt but it was not more than a bad sunburn. By the first full day on Zanzibar I had developed blisters in clusters all over my back with some being as large as my pinky finger. Over the next three to four days the blisters went through a cycle of seeping empty and refilling. Finally, my back started to peel a full 7 days after the initial burn. It was thick moist sheets of skin that pulled off with ease, although that did not improve the color or pain of my back. In about 24 hours the majority of my back lost a rather thick layer of skin and that night I felt what I remember seeing in Erik just before he went to immediate care during his horrible sunburn a few summers ago.

Remembering watching that and what happened was actually quite comforting because without it I wouldn’t have been so sure it would pass. It’s not unbearable pain. By itself it’s tolerable, but it’s mixed with this intense itching that goes straight to your head and drives you crazy. I felt fortunate I was in my room alone because I must have looked crazy. I paced back and forth and made noise to try to deal with the sensation but it would not go away, even with pain reliever. After about 30 minutes, I decided to take a shower. The water immediately helped but after a few minutes it began to actually increase the intensity, so I shut off the water, which also initially helped but slowly increased the pain. So I ended up alternating between showering and standing in the shower with the water off for another 30 minutes. Finally when I went back to my room, I was able to tolerate it as long as I didn’t move my back. This allowed me just enough relief to fall asleep for the night.

Over the next couple days, the skin, which I think was way too freshly exposed to air, began to harden and become more tolerable. By this time, our meetings in Dar had begun. I began to peel a second time but also, certain parts of my skin began to develop massive welts that were painful all their own. Eventually they all started to show these solid, scab-like covers at the top and continued to grow. I finally decided to go visit the medical officer the last day of our meeting and he diagnosed them as some sort of infectious reaction to the sunburn. He cleaned out the worst of them and gave me antibiotics (it seems I can’t even escape amoxicillin, even in Africa) to speed the recovery. After returning to site I continued to take the medicine and clean the wounds every day. Over time each of the welts began to either burst or just ooze puss. The two biggest welts were last and most disgusting of all. When they finally broke open, the infectious material was not some liquid that would ooze out. It was a rubbery ball that was attached to the inside of the welt. As I cleaned the wounds they would expel more of the material and I eventually pulled it out but severing what appeared to be a root into my back.

During the next month, these rather large divots in my back slowly began to fill in and heal and today I have scabs over the two worst spots but nothing more. It’s hard for me to tell if I scarred because of my vantage point but I think it has actually healed quite effectively. Still, having a burn affect my life for over a month has been an interesting experience. Needless to say, I’m going to do a better job with sunscreen next time :P

TZ Frustrations

Part of the whole cultural exchange process in Tanzania is learning how to deal with situations where you feel wronged a addressing those appropriately. One of the prevailing issues in this country, and something I believe is holding back the nation as a whole is a sense of responsibility. No one will fess up to their actions and a large number take advantage of a situation where they can get away with doing something wrong that helps them. Ok, so maybe that generalization can be made to America too but it doesn’t change the fact that it is wildly frustrating. Little things go missing here and there and no one sees it as a problem, until it’s someone else who gets caught. They complain about corruption in the government but don’t see taking a pen as equal. Now, I am in no way free of blame but I think my track record is pretty positive. I also could be looking at this through an unrepresentative view. I am white and I am perceived to be well off. I do have nice things which slants their assumptions towards me being able to afford to replace what they take. But on a week where I’m trying to live off of less than 5,000 shillings (that’s $3.33 for those keeping track in the states) I find it incredibly frustrating to learn I’ve lost probably 4 meals worth of rice and my next two weeks worth of TP. So maybe some of this is my fault for coming here with a relative abundance of clothes and a computer, but the principle remains the same.

You can always question whether there should be disparity in income across the world and how I, as a member of the richest country in the world, have any right to tell these people what is mine should not also be theirs. But that’s a philosophical question far beyond the scope of me being here. The reality is, despite the poor economy, I could be making many many times what the people here are making. I chose to sacrifice that income to come here and try to help the situation, to pass on knowledge that can help them improve their situation. In a way, I feel abused. Not only are they taking my good will, they’re also taking what I use to support myself, allowing me to give what I can. Now, in the grand scheme of things, what I have lost this week is limited in importance at best, but the timing was not ideal. I’ll survive because, in reality, I can borrow a little, change some dollars, do any number of things that wouldn’t necessarily be a viable option for a struggling Tanzanian. However, I just want to be appreciated, and that was the exact opposite of the feeling I got upon returning.

Not only did the missing materials bother me, the first thing my headmaster said upon seeing me is “why haven’t we seen you?” Now, I recognize that Tanzanian culture expects you to stop by and say hello after a trip, but I was tired (and I have to grade tests too). But the tone of his voice was not one of “oh we missed you!” it was one of reprimand. That just adds insult to injury. I’m fairly sure the expectation was that I came to say I was back and tell them about my trip. Tanzanians will tell you oh, we’re in Africa or this isn’t America like that somehow changes the fact that I am a foreigner. The hypocrisy of their expectation of me to not be myself in their country when they’ve never had to live in a different culture is extremely frustrating. I have come to realize I loathe that line. I may not be in America but I am, in some of the most stereotypical ways, an American. I take comfort in Peace Corps’ second purpose which is to bring American culture to host country nationals to justify my decisions to go to sleep when they might expect me to come socialize. I’m learning, that despite our social practices, Americans are very private people. If you’re tired or sick especially, but even when you’re perfectly well, alone time is highly valuable. That is not the case here in Tanzania but I’ve come to accept the fact that I am absolutely not Tanzanian and there is no need to make myself miserable to assuage their concerns about my lack of a presence.

Anyway, the moral of the story is after only 3 hours of sleep the night before due to my painful back (more on that in my next post) and an early bus departure, followed by a 14 hour bus ride across the country, I had too much Tanzania upon my arrival. I just wanted to rest and around every corner was some issue preventing that.