TZ Frustrations

Part of the whole cultural exchange process in Tanzania is learning how to deal with situations where you feel wronged a addressing those appropriately. One of the prevailing issues in this country, and something I believe is holding back the nation as a whole is a sense of responsibility. No one will fess up to their actions and a large number take advantage of a situation where they can get away with doing something wrong that helps them. Ok, so maybe that generalization can be made to America too but it doesn’t change the fact that it is wildly frustrating. Little things go missing here and there and no one sees it as a problem, until it’s someone else who gets caught. They complain about corruption in the government but don’t see taking a pen as equal. Now, I am in no way free of blame but I think my track record is pretty positive. I also could be looking at this through an unrepresentative view. I am white and I am perceived to be well off. I do have nice things which slants their assumptions towards me being able to afford to replace what they take. But on a week where I’m trying to live off of less than 5,000 shillings (that’s $3.33 for those keeping track in the states) I find it incredibly frustrating to learn I’ve lost probably 4 meals worth of rice and my next two weeks worth of TP. So maybe some of this is my fault for coming here with a relative abundance of clothes and a computer, but the principle remains the same.

You can always question whether there should be disparity in income across the world and how I, as a member of the richest country in the world, have any right to tell these people what is mine should not also be theirs. But that’s a philosophical question far beyond the scope of me being here. The reality is, despite the poor economy, I could be making many many times what the people here are making. I chose to sacrifice that income to come here and try to help the situation, to pass on knowledge that can help them improve their situation. In a way, I feel abused. Not only are they taking my good will, they’re also taking what I use to support myself, allowing me to give what I can. Now, in the grand scheme of things, what I have lost this week is limited in importance at best, but the timing was not ideal. I’ll survive because, in reality, I can borrow a little, change some dollars, do any number of things that wouldn’t necessarily be a viable option for a struggling Tanzanian. However, I just want to be appreciated, and that was the exact opposite of the feeling I got upon returning.

Not only did the missing materials bother me, the first thing my headmaster said upon seeing me is “why haven’t we seen you?” Now, I recognize that Tanzanian culture expects you to stop by and say hello after a trip, but I was tired (and I have to grade tests too). But the tone of his voice was not one of “oh we missed you!” it was one of reprimand. That just adds insult to injury. I’m fairly sure the expectation was that I came to say I was back and tell them about my trip. Tanzanians will tell you oh, we’re in Africa or this isn’t America like that somehow changes the fact that I am a foreigner. The hypocrisy of their expectation of me to not be myself in their country when they’ve never had to live in a different culture is extremely frustrating. I have come to realize I loathe that line. I may not be in America but I am, in some of the most stereotypical ways, an American. I take comfort in Peace Corps’ second purpose which is to bring American culture to host country nationals to justify my decisions to go to sleep when they might expect me to come socialize. I’m learning, that despite our social practices, Americans are very private people. If you’re tired or sick especially, but even when you’re perfectly well, alone time is highly valuable. That is not the case here in Tanzania but I’ve come to accept the fact that I am absolutely not Tanzanian and there is no need to make myself miserable to assuage their concerns about my lack of a presence.

Anyway, the moral of the story is after only 3 hours of sleep the night before due to my painful back (more on that in my next post) and an early bus departure, followed by a 14 hour bus ride across the country, I had too much Tanzania upon my arrival. I just wanted to rest and around every corner was some issue preventing that.