Continuing to adjust...

So I’ve just finished my first lab. It brought up an interesting issue: the fact that words are not the only impediment to understanding. Cultures have many differences but one I had never considered when crossing languages is the different connotations of the very same words. I gave instructions to take each measurement they recorded three times by saying just that, take each measurement three times. I thought I was very clear. The entire class proceeded to take one measurement with one weight, a second measurement with a different weight, and the third measurement with yet another weight. Each group I stopped at, I had to explain what I really meant was take the measurement with one weight three times and it often took me a good minute to have them truly understand. They had a lot of trouble understanding why we’d want to take the same measurement three times but I think we eventually got the point across. It’s just another example of the differences I’m seeing in the languages. I’ve also been noticing lately the way Tanzanians speak English is pretty much the same. Word orders that seem strange to me are repeated between Tanzanian English speakers. I’m thinking this would be a good reference to learn how I should order my words in Swahili, a sort of key translated to English. Hopefully I learn soon how to better explain myself, but I suppose this is the first step.


It’s the Monday of the week of January 11th and I find myself with no shortage of free time. I thought after this last week I’d be overcome by a fury of new engagements would struggle to keep up with. We’ll just leave it as that’s yet to be the case. I understand Peace Corps’ tentativeness with which they have new crops of volunteers ease into their assignments but I think building a lifestyle of lethargy is really only perpetuates that pattern. Today I taught from 7:30-8:50, same as always, the difference was, that I went into class with no lesson plan. I’ve been happy to find that my students increasingly ask questions and so I decided to give them a review day, which they fully took advantage of! I’m choosing to look at this as a positive that they’re engaged in class and not as the obvious negative: that I can’t teach them. I figure if they really thought they couldn’t learn from me they wouldn’t ask questions so I’m happy to take them. So, simple successes aside I’m home by 9am which leaves me about 14 hours to prepare for tomorrow. Perhaps I’m lacking long-term vision here and in a couple of weeks I’ll be cursing my time spent on Halo books and transit systems, but I do not foresee significant changes to my schedule. I have double the teaching to do come March but that will simply take a few extra hours and I’ll still have 8+ left. We’ll see.


No one ever glorifies the volunteer. Save perhaps the military volunteer. When you think about movies, there aren’t movies or tv shows about a teacher in a foreign land. When people are gone, it’s always about the return home. Never about what they did. It’s easy to picture your perfect world, how every day you’ll want to be exactly where you are and the people you’re working with are receptive and learn everything they need to from you. Hollywood kind of does a disservice by making everyone believe that there are people out there where everything they do is truly for the benefit of others. I think there was only one man for whom that was truly the case and I would argue he was more than a man. Most of those people serving others are actually in it somewhat to serve themselves. To satisfy that desire to do good in the world and that’s fine. They are helping, just not completely selflessly. I don’t think it’s human to think of others 100% and not think of yourself at all. But when your selfish humanism isn’t satisfied with the selfless acts you’re doing, conflict reigns. The dreams start shifting to other glories, the return home to care for those there or the next project you could take hold of with better authority from your learned experiences here. But the problem is every time is the first time, yes you can improve but not all improvements on your previous problems are solutions for your current ones. I find that I’m a dreamer, continually looking to the future and what fantastic things it holds, but I’m finding my focus on the present suffers. I can fill notebooks and files with ideas for something that will never be done but I can’t wait to finish my work for tomorrow so I can think about what happens a year from now. I need to change that, or at least control it. Focus on the now, and trust that the tomorrow will be there. I’ve spent my whole life preparing. Moving from elementary school where I prepared for middle school, which prepared me for high school, which prepared me for college, which prepared me for……certainly not this. I didn’t realize quite the change I made when I chose the Peace Corps. I’m in a holding pattern for two years, at least relative to my “preparation”. I suppose this is preparing me for life experience and blah blah blah but that’s not why I say I’m here. I’m here to take my preparation and apply it. Something I’m really inexperienced at, I’m realizing. My mindset is wrong. I’m thinking what I have to do to achieve the goal and move on to the next level. What does it take to be prepared to go back to the US? A plane ticket. That’s it, and I can get that at a moment’s notice. The return is not the end game, it’s the end of the game, and it’s not even a game. There’s not really a way to win or lose. I’m here to help, and interact, and teach. I suppose I can “win” if my students all pass and move on, but there’s more to it than that. I always think I’ll know answers eventually, like once I do enough preparing, I’ll be ready to be wise. But with the dissolution of my future last year and little resolution on the horizon, I’m starting to wonder where I’m going and if I’ll know it when I get there. Or maybe I’m here? Eventually I’ll recognize where I’m going when it is in hindsight, I just want to know it as now-sight too!


When I first decided this is what I wanted to do, I had a way of describing the opportunity that has stuck quite well throughout my service so far. The Peace Corps, is by far the most terrifyingly exciting thing I have ever done. It comes in waves, and I’m for sure on a crest right now. We arrived and were herded around a tiny conference complex in Dar learning simple greetings thinking maybe we could survive. Then we moved to Morogoro, where we sat in our family’s living rooms staring blankly at them when they tried to converse in even simple language, and thought maybe not. But slowly over time we were able to get by and by the end of training were quite comfortable in our routine. Then we leave our comfort zone again, moving to a place where we make the meals and clean the floors in addition to completing our daily activities, and think well, I can fry an egg, so maybe I’ll stay alive. Then after a month of getting a routine at home and realizing I can do everything I have to and even still have time to kill, we’re feeling pretty good about ourselves. I got there. I was functioning in a third world country with a basic vocabulary to interact with my fellow Tanzanians. I can cook, clean, teach, read, relax, and pretty much do anything else now. But then, just like before, a new challenge is here. I can function here, now I have to excel. Excelling is more than frying eggs, and washing clothes by hand, and teaching to a class that can learn from your English. Today, I added adult education classes to my list of things to do. These are people who for one reason or another did not finish their studies and are trying to after years outside of school. They are not great English speakers, and in fact, they are probably inferior to regular students at their level of studies. I’m going to have to go beyond just being able to explain ideas well. I’m going to have to explain ideas well in a language I’m learning as I use it. This is terrifying. This is exciting. This is why I’m here. These are the most motivated students I will encounter in Tanzanians schools. Many students try to leave school because it’s just easier, and they know they’re going to end up in the same job after they fail their exams anyway. So, in a society that does not see education in the same light as America, these are rare opportunities. Now I just have to make the most of it. I can be a good teacher for these students if I take the time to learn the language and relay the ideas well. I hope in two years, I can say I did.

And just a side note, I can do 3 consecutive pull ups :D I haven’t been able to do a pull up in about 5 years!