Something to say.....

First of all I wanted to wish everyone happy holidays! So far, mine have been quite enjoyable and relaxing, perhaps too much. But now, as I’m in between Christmas and New Years I wanted to write a few thoughts down. First of all, I have been continually blown away with the beauty of this region. If you’re considering a trip to Africa at all, I would highly recommend this region of the continent as it is absolutely gorgeous. All through training, my experience had been places that looked old and tired, as if the very first humans saw the exact same landscape when they walked this area. But here, in the southern highlands, the landscape is so much more alive…….and green. This is easily due to the rains that fall frequently here but it’s still quite a masterpiece. Forests on the mountains blend into giant tea farms with these hardy bushes that are harvested in a way so that it looks like a perfect sea of green. There will be smaller hills that are completely devoid of trees but are a solid green from the rows of tea bushes on them. If there are trees, they are quite often banana trees and they often dominate the valleys. It’s hard to really describe and I hope to put up pictures eventually! The other day I spent a lot of time standing at an overlook that I can’t help but think needs a blue sign on the road nearby telling traffic they should stop and look in a ¼ mile, even though they’re driving 80 in the left lane. Check that, we’re in TZ where 4-lane roads don’t exist, but I think you get my point. I’m quite happy with the physical location of my site, I just wish I had easier access to the view!

A note, I don’t usually write when I’m connected to the internet which makes it easy to not post right away, so whenever there is a break and the topic changes abruptly, assume we’re hours if not days apart in time. Thanks! :D

So I had a strange thought. I’ve been in Tanzania for two different years. While I know that’s simple manipulation of dates to make it sound long I realized that I have been here undeniably for over a quarter of a year, which makes it seem much much longer. It helps that that 3 months is split up over three very different locations of various lengths, but it’s interesting to think about. In my head I have our time spent in Dar Es Salaam as a very long time, or at least a much more significant portion of training than it actually was. It only seems long because every step was a new experience and I was trapped in a gated compound with no knowledge of the outside community so seeing the same small space made time drag. Training, which is over half of that time, was long enough to develop a routine. And now site for over a month feels like a fairly significant amount of time too, and routines are starting to develop. There is a degree of comfort that I’m finding but I realize at night how easily my comfort is lost; how it’s only skin deep. I don’t know this community like I know home. There, I know what’s around every corner and I know where people are. Here, the set up of cities and towns is not always logical and that makes things unpredictable, which can be unsettling. I remember the first night here I was terrified because I couldn’t see beyond my front porch and I had no idea where anyone was. It also didn’t help that PC had just spent the week before telling me how the whole world was out to get me etc. It’s better now but a city without streetlights is still a terrifyingly dark place. It’s almost like you can feel the people around you but you can’t see them. You know they’re there but what they’re doing, who they are, is all a mystery. One your mind is all too happy to muse upon. I never thought about it but comfort and security are all part of the American dream. The whole point of having your two story house on a cul-de-sac of houses just like it with slightly altered floor plans and a different color scheme is that it’s a controlled, seemingly safe environment. A yard is just space for the kids to play and a house is just wood and brick you live inside, but put it all together with a piece of paper that says you owe $150,000 for it and you’ve got a kingdom that is almost entirely under your control. Here, I live in a space that’s not mine and constantly question whether what I’m doing is “right” in the eyes of the public. As our country director loves to say, we’re on duty 24/7, which is completely true. And it’s tiresome, but it’s part of what we signed up for, and we’ll survive.

I am beginning to understand the value of simple purpose in life. I have spent the aforementioned three months in this country and so far have enacted my purpose for being here for less than a total of 80 min times 8 classes plus another 160 minutes. So 1760 minutes. Considering I have been here for 60 min times 24 times approximately 100 days, or 144000 minutes, my realization of purpose has been unbearably small. Ok, with even the absurd assumption that I’m sleeping 12 hours a day I’ve been here 72000 minutes. Yes, the argument can be made my being here is satisfying the goals of the Peace Corps mission but eventually cooking, cleaning, and sleeping while using enough Swahili to get by is grossly unsatisfying. Which brings me to my purpose for being here, teaching science and math. I will start on Monday, and probably within days regret my boredom and wishes for activity, but when the highlight of my day is making potato chips in a frying pan, I’m having trouble justifying my day. There’s a simple solution, prepare to teach. Yes! I have gone through that logic, and have somehow found every chore I could possibly think of to do before hand. I know I’ve always been an exceptional procrastinator but this is a little absurd. While my culinary experience is improving and I’ve been able to wash clothes by hand, including remove blood from a white shirt which I was proud of, I stand on the top of that hill feeling no sense of accomplishment. I suppose it is appropriate to learn that in any environment the human reactions are the same, do work when you have to and otherwise play. There’s really no point to this other than my being frustrated with my procrastination following me overseas, but it’s an interesting observation that I am who I am, and part of me is a procrastinator. It doesn’t matter if I cook on charcoal, kerosene, electric hotplates, or a gas/electric stove. I’ll look at the sky the same way whether I’m leaving class after a good day of work or getting out of the house because I can’t stand it anymore. Part of my justification for coming here was to improve on parts of myself I didn’t like, and my mastery of the art of procrastination was one of them. So I’ve struggled so far. I can try again tomorrow :)